Advocacy Avenue: My Child is an Addict and Alcoholic by Noreen D.

II HAD FINALLY REACHED MY BREAKING POINT. I was so tired and riddled with fear, physically and mentally bankrupt. The chaos in our family had gotten totally out of control and I was definitely spinning out of control!

I couldn’t sleep, but wanted to stay in bed all day. Normal everyday functions were impossible for me to do. Pathetically, hopeless and helpless is what I had become. My life’s focus was on Chrissy, our 19 year old daughter. She was ripping my heart out. She was every thought, concern, worry, and she tormented my every waking
moment. She was slowly killing herself and I was powerless.  I have never felt so weak, useless, and fearful in my life.  My actions and
behavior became obsessive; playing detective, phone calls, letters to judges, following her…I was completely out of my mind and life was about as chaotic as it could get.

I was a desperate mom trying anything to get help for my alcohol and drug addicted daughter. I would do anything; pay anything, to get her help, to save her life, to keep her clean & sober.

My husband, clean and sober for almost 18 years at the time, couldn’t help her. I didn’t understand; if anyone should be able to help her he should!  I couldn’t help her. I am her Mother! He told me how she lies to me and how manipulating she was. He told me that my love for her was going to help kill her. I couldn’t face the reality of the person our daughter had become. Drugs had taken over. They took away her beauty, her wit & humor, her self-respect, pride, and motivation for living. Our entire family was affected. We all lost our spirit, drive, and energy. I had no joy and despair was all I felt, but I couldn’t and wasn’t about to watch her lose her precious life.

My husband and I were fighting constantly and talking about divorce. It wasn’t talking; it was yelling, blaming and sarcasm. That was the extent of our communication. Reality finally hit me hard, when a phone call alerted us she was in danger. She was high, bleeding and sleepless for four days. We had to do something and fast!

We had to Marchman Act Chrissy, because she was over 18 and a danger to herself. The courts forced her into treatment. The judge told her 60 days in treatment or 6 months in jail. She took treatment. I was relieved she was getting help, but I was still so focused on her, I still could not function “normally”, I was a wreck! Every day of my life was consumed with her.  How was she? Are they treating her right?  Does she hate me?  Does she need me?  Does she need anything?  My days consisted of sleeping, and not sleeping, crying and more crying. I didn’t care about anything; worrying about her was all I could do.  I felt I was to blame. Maybe I didn’t do something right, or I didn’t give her what she needed to get along successfully in society. I screwed up, it was my fault.

One day I went to the treatment center to bring her something, and a nice lady asked me how I was doing.  All I could do was cry. The Lady said, “Honey, You need Al-Anon.” Then she explained a little about Al-Anon to me.  She asked me if I would like to go to a meeting.  I was sick and desperate and what I’d been doing was not working so I figured what did I have to lose and I went to a Al-Anon Meeting and it was “The Best of Both”, Al-Anon with AA Participation, at  Boca Pines in Boca Raton. My first experience with Al-Anon was not too good. Those people told me I was part of her problem, and I was sick too. They didn’t understand me, I didn’t have the problem…but they insisted that I was an enabler, in denial and had bad, unmanageable and irrational behaviors.

I did not like these people. How could they judge me? They were not nice, (so I thought), they didn’t even know me! Thank God, I tried other meetings and I kept coming back!  The first day I walked into those rooms was truly “The first day of the rest of my life”, and I didn’t even know it. Al-Anon has changed my life, my thinking, my behaviors and attitude. Things are not perfect, but my life is no longer “unmanageable and desperate.” I am a good, joyful human being with a purpose and value.  I learned how to take care of me and how to live and let others live, and to trust My Higher Power. Spiritual growth and recovery had begun to work in my life. My husband goes regularly to Al-Anon as well, and it is his secondary fellowship. He says, AA saved his life and Al-Anon teaches him how to live it. Those were tough times, but today Al-Anon has given us a life beyond any expectations. Today we put our daughter and life in general in God’s hands daily; he does a way better job than we do.

The biggest lesson from Al-Anon is, I am only in control of myself. I am completely powerless over anyone and that includes my loved ones. Everyone has their own Journey. Addiction is a family disease and should be treated as so.  The disease affects the whole family and the whole family needs recovery. Al-Anon is there if you want it, it’s like free therapy, and it does work if you want it to and you work it; just follow the suggestions.  Then “re-learn” how to live life with a new guide and beneficial tools to help you cope, grow as an individual, have a positive mental attitude and a new outlook on life.

Someone told me in Al-Anon, “Progress, not perfection”. Baby steps everyday towards something better. Sometimes we become so engulfed in the lives of others, that some of us lose who we are. I did, my life focused only on my daughter and saving her, that I lost my identity and purpose. No more, I love her, but I love and live my life and she hers, and by the Grace of God, today she is clean for many years. She’s married, a Mom and a great one at that. What more could a mother ask for? Life is good today and I am so grateful.

Al-Anon has given me something precious. Today I know I am worthy of a good life and I can make a difference not only in my life, but in the lives of other’s as well.
Al-Anon teaches, we are all in this together and to “Practice these principles in all of our affairs”  and slowly, one day at a time, life gets better, in all aspects, and the
rippling effect touches others. I have tools today that I never had and it’s such a gift. What a gift Al-Anon has given me and many others – just like you, You are not alone.

Al-Anon is the best gift I have ever given myself!

Life is not perfect but I thank God and Al-Anon for giving me my life back and so much more!

—Noreen D.

This entry was posted on December 21, 2010 at 4:58 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.